Thank you Captain Obvious!

God's Spirit Bears Witness Within: A.W.Tozer
Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit...after the tradition of men...and not after Christ. Colossians 2:8

"When I was a young Christian I had my Bible and a hymnbook and a few other books, including Andrew Murray and Thomas a' Kempis and I got myself educated as well as I could by reading books, I read the philosophy of all the great minds - and many of those men did not believe in God, you know-and they did not believe in Christ.
I remember reading White's Warfare of Science with Christianity, and if any man can read that and still say he is saved, he isn't saved by his reading; he is saved by the Holy Ghost within him telling him that he is saved!
Do you know what I would do after I would read a chapter or two and find arguments that I could not possibly defeat? I would get down on my knees and with tears I would thank God with joy that no matter what the books said, 'I know Thee, my Saviour and my Lord!'
I didn't have it in my head- I had it in my heart! There is a great difference, you see.
If we have it only in our heads, then philosophy may be of some help to us; but if we have it in our hearts there is not much philosophy can do except stand aside reverently, hat in hand, and say. ' Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty!'
In short, if you have to be reasoned into Christianity, some wise fellow can reason you out of it, as well!"

I think the most moving part of Tozer's excerpt from his devotional "Renewed Day by Day" is when he unashamedly admits to crying, laid out on the floor before God. I cry all the time when I talk to God. He moves me to tears, often times if someone were to ever be with me i wouldn't be able to explain why I was crying except that, in awe of the Lord my spirit is moved deeply. I cannot say that I find philosophy especially intriguing to become involved with, and I have no desire to debate and work through thoughts by spilling them out in front of people to be obliterated and destroyed. No, no, I much prefer to ponder things on my own and asked much trusted mentors in my life about deep philosophical dilemmas. 


But! I was encouraged by Tozer's confession to not knowing all the answers. He was stumped! How I do respect his willingness to admit that, instead of speaking in circles and blowing out hot air. 


I took an ethics class last semester, honestly I could have made an A....but towards the end of the year my desire to read the dry material vanished. However, I went to class, sat on the second row...and pretended three times a week to be thinking intently on the controversial topic and shift in my seat enough to imply that I was about to say something... and that I was intellectually stimulated. Well, I take that back, I was intellectually stimulated, but any retort that would come out of my mouth sounded completely elementary and needed the half asleep punk in the back of the room to shout "Thank you captain obvious!" I am completely NOT gifted in the area of argumentation when it comes to logic. I know I believe in pro-life, in God, and I disagree with euthanasia etc. To have me compare various arguments and dissect multiple theories just made my brain hurt, my eyes go crossed, and despair fill my heart. I really have no skill! I know what I know and believe what I believe because of the Holy Spirit convicting my moral compass to point north. Anyway, that class frustrated me like White's writing frustrated Tozer. I was road blocked sometimes, but only because my brain couldn't figure things out enough to explain it to twisted philosophical thinkers. 


My dad has reassured me in the past that there are many benefits to begin people smart instead of merely book smart. We live in a book-smart-matters-more-than-anything-else world, so its hard to convince myself sometimes that my SAT scores don't determine the course of my LIFE! And really, they don't really if you're made to be a people person, and honestly, following the Lord may take me away from mind boggling logical arguments and academics stressed so much in our society.


To finish, I do love reading the toned down version of Tozer's deep thoughts in his daily devotional, as I do love "My Utmost for His Highest" and "Knowing God," and scores of other books that challenge me to ponder, and contemplate; that push my thinking of God, life, and the universe forward! Capisce?!

Cinnamon, so Sweet

          I have being contemplating what would be worthwhile to blog about lately... my activities haven't been too thrilling lately. My days are actually filled with embarrassing situations where I completely loose my mind and do stupid things..which makes life  amusing! Good for a story.. However, I don't really feel like exposing myself for a giggle or two today. The most significant event that occurred in the 20 days that has lapsed since I last wrote was a sweet 16 birthday party.

Aren't they BEAUTIFUL!

Hunter and Sarah are both 16 now, they are best friends, and they decided to celebrate the prime time teenage - age by holding a dance.












It got me thinking about when I was 16. Its crazy, this is my last year of being a teenager, and to think I thought this age would never end! So I will now proceed to recap my 16th year of life, the highlights, the ups and downs, and reminisce about that sweet time.

First of all I THINK our party was at Sarah B's house. If I remember correctly we rented Step Up, after a viewing of Nacho Libre failed..sorry Sarah :) We were very inspired by the beautiful dancing people in Step Up, and like so many times before, Rachel, Rebecca, Eliza, Sarah and I  proceeded to create a very inspired hip hop routine. The song we chose wasn't exactly...wholesome... but we were totally into it and thought we were the stuff man. I still can't believe we preformed that for people, bless their hearts. haha Those were the days!

ACIT girls second session 2007

At that point in our life, Eliza and I had never been apart for longer than a couple of days. That summer changed everything. I was ecstatic that Dad let me apply to be an ACIT at Camp Cedar Cliff. They hired me and that was definitely a memorable summer to say the least. I loved loved loved it. Although I came back with 10lbs of camp food and candy hanging out around my waist and thus ensued the typical insecure teenage girl crash diet. I remember eating an apple and a muffin at the most for about a month or two during the fall. I mean it worked I weighed 10lbs less that christmas...but I couldn't do that again - i would be WAY too grumpy, irritable, snappy and no one could live with me. Which makes me wonder if I wasn't a horrible child at that point :) hmmmm

The happy Couple(s)

I forgot to mention my Brother got hitched that August too! The wedding was beautiful, Eliza and I were bridesmaids. It was the first time we wore anything that had a plunging neck line and i remember frantically using a safety pen to try and cover up my 1/4 inch of exposed little girl ant hill "cleveage"  That was the beginning of a wonderful relationship with Beth, our new sister. Although at that point I wasn't sure I appreciated all my brothers attention shifting to the tall, thin, beautiful, smart, gentle spirited Etc etc etc woman. But it was for the better that he did:)

Let's see, 16 was also the first year that I started my college classes. Six or seven of my good home school friends all got into World Civilizations class together. It was the most challenging, and the most fun class I have taken yet. Sarah, Rachel, Eliza and I sort of ditched the guys in our study sessions and invaded Bald guy Brew coffee shop at 4pm every Monday and Wednesday afternoon. Thank you Blad Guy! Dude that was the life: coffee, muffins, free reign of the shop sound system, friends, all the while studying and successfully achieving A's on all our exams. Woot, that was a happy time.

We were "Studying"

Also, that spring I reapplied for CCC Assistant Counselor position and was hired for that, and prepared for the other 6 weeks of my summer to be spent with Rebecca and Eliza and David at Cherokee Cove. But those memories where made when I was 17, so moving on..

 That spring my Dad got remarried. I won't lie, that was a very difficult point in my life. Eliza and I really didn't know how to deal with alllll the changes except to exchange looks quite often during that year that spoke more to each other than trying to verbalize anything we were feeling.

Isle of Palms

My dad's wedding was very beautiful in Charleston, SC.  Betty's dress was my favorite one in the store, and we wore the bridesmaids dresses from Tanner's wedding. The weather was sunny for the small private ceremony, and I could see a little bit of the ocean from where I was standing behind Betty ad Eliza. I quite honestly wanted to run madly, until I couldn't breath, to the water and swim, swim, swim.  But again, Eliza and I exchanged looks and smiled as we wondered how we should process the change. I thought i hid all my negative emotions at the ceremony because Dad wasn't looking at me, of course he was gazing at Betty, and I was behind Betty...so I was rather free with my facial expressions for part of the wedding. And OF COURSE the photographer captures my brooding face in a candid photo of all the bridesmaids during the ceremony. Yup, that face is forever recording in their Photo album...awesome :)

I still don't know if I have worked through all those emotions, or if I need to, but my sweet 16 year was way more eventful than I planned on. Personally I had hoped for my first boyfriend, first valentine box of chocolates, presents, flowers.. and of course my first kiss!! Sweeeet 16, the magical age where everything romantic happens in your life....not. Oh well, I guess it is way more interesting to see how God works things out like that, and way less predictable. I mean psssh sweet 16 and getting your first kiss - SO cliché.

They are my Sunshine

Helloo

Well, I digress and have to say that Rachel, Rebecca, Sarah and Eliza made that year the most memorable, happiest of times, and truly sweet as we all grew up just a little bit more during that blessed age of sixteen.

Like a big blanket is wrapped around my shoulders

John 14:21 He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father; and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.

Mary Geegh writes in "God Guides" about The Key to a God-Guided Life is Obedience

"Obedience, in little things or big things, brings an exquisite thrill. 'My joy, which no man can take from you,' says Jesus.

I was attending a conference in a village. The speaker was an Indian businessman who had worked and lived in Burma for many years. When the Japanese bombed Rangoon, he with other Indians fled for their lives. They lost everything. He had only his Bible and the suit he was wearing. He walked hundreds of miles to return to India. He said that hardships were many, but it was sweet to feel the Presence of Jesus and to have his Bible. While he was talking and giving a great witness to the people, a quick thought came to me just before I had to return to my town: 'Give him all the money in your purse.'

Well! I had to go home by train. Should I not save a bit for my train fare? Of course I had learned not to argue with God - just obey. I put all I had in an envelope and gave it to him.

Then I hurried off to catch my train. A boy was running swiftly ahead of me. When I got to the station the boy came out of the ticket office with a ticket - and gave it to me. I looked surprised! He told me he was at the meeting, saw me put the money in an envelope and give it to the speaker. Then he said, 'God told me to buy your ticket, so I ran.' The train was ready to pull out. 'Get in quickly, Amma.' So i did. The train was off; I waved to the boy. I sat there with that exquisite thrill that comes when people obey God's Plan."

This gave me shivers when I read it. Lately I have had the greatest peace, it feels like, surrounding and cushioning me. My emotions sometimes bump into me and my content heart in the Lord, and it seems like this hallowed peace pushes that away and keeps me upright and on this steep appointed path. Every morning in the red armchair at Papa John's house I sit and read this devotional "God Guides" that a friend, Joy Sechler mailed to me. I crave it at the start of every day to keep me stable and calm. After every reading I take this deep breath and feel at peace, like a big blanket is wrapped around my shoulders by a strong angel. 

This season of my life is unfolding very unpredictably, and miraculously God is blessing me with assurance beyond my nature. I always like to know whats coming, and right now I have no idea what to expect for 2011. All credit to God for the fact that I am not worried, freaking out, or stressed out of my mind!

I've noticed, like in this story, that God doesn't really make long term plans. He has eternity planned out of course, but in respect to telling us humans what's going to happen next... I feel like he really enjoys waiting until He knows that we know that the next step we take has nothing to do with some grand scheme designed by us. So far, this fall semester unfolded much better than I could've have ever imagined myself, and along with it He had calmed my spirit, and He is holding my heart. I feel completely prepared for life, because I know that He will take me places better than my wildest dreams and it will fall into place with the best timing. I am literally stress free when it comes to considering what my future holds. WOAH

Do you want to keep dancing?

So, along with "The Soul of Prayer" and "Death of a Guru", tonight I picked up a book Sam had in my fall reading pile entitled: "Do you think I'm Beautiful?" And I thought, psshhhh Oh Paa-lease lady, who are you.. Angela Thomas?! Really this got published? because in all honesty I read "Captivating" and was totally unimpressed by the fluff and self gradification encrougaged in those pages, in my insignificant opinion that is. However, I got through the first chapter and actually liked it by the third page in chapter two.

Of course the beginging was something I could not relate to because it was a sob story, a pity party of words crowding over 20 pages about how this lady had never felt beautiful and accepted. Blah...we all have those days, I mean can we say PMS. And of course middle school is awkward and uncomfortable and embarresing. You're at the PEAK of insecurity, its just a bad situation overall! Annyway! This book was starting to really loose my interest until I decided to read onto Chapter two. The title:The Wallflower Who is Asked to Dance... how precious. Well then she told about a time in high school when the hott boy on the block actually asked her to dance, instead of her beautiful friends, who all had handsome dates with them, and she was always classified as...the wingman. The stunner came right over and pulled her to the dance floor, to her disbelief! THEN since, as always, the song ended way to quickly, she prepared herself to stand next to the wall for the remainder of the evening until...he implored "Do you want to keep dancing?"

AHHHHH! weeeeeee!!!! even though I was totally unsympathic at the start, now she definatly had me hooked. I was even squealing inside for this lady when she was a  16 year old! This strange woman writing about feeling sooo ugly, and now, now she asked the reader's of her book "Do you remember the first time you were asked to dance? Do you remember being noticed? Do you remember the crazy thing that happens to your stomach when a handsome man walks toward you? What is that? And why does it make us feel like we're floating? Are you smiling as you remember?" YES, duh, I was definatly smiling.. and it took me back.

First it took me back to the Home school fall family ball 2007 I think it was. I was 15. I had the most beautiful dress, it was by my late mom's favorite designer, Jessica McClintock. It was strapless, with black lace and a black bow accintuating my waist line which contrasted with the off-white A-line skirt. I felt like a princess - a DREAM! My friend Jamie grabbed me when I first walked into the gym and squealed for a good minuet straight at how old I looked. All that to say, there was a boy, oh and there always is a boy! Who, in the past few months had been pretty attentive through conventiant internet outlets, and on the ski slopes, and the frisbee feild. I just thought he was as cute as could be! It was perfect, I felt divinely skinny and beautiful...and that boy took notice! Back in those days though, a girl in the home school group was never allowed to be asked more than three times by the same fellah. If he wished to keep dancing with her, he had to ask the daunting father who usually congrated at the punch table. Well! My father never came to the dances and! the cutie asked me 5 times!! That was the first time I ever really felt singluarly noticed.

SIDE NOTE: However, much to my dismay, there is not a  happy ending like you're expecting from this sappy tale. He told me after the last dance that he was going to the high school football game to meet up with his....GIRL FRIEND. EXCUSE ME?! yea, eliza had to support my deflating frame as I wilted off my 4inch heels. From then on my feathers were ruffled and I subjected him to my wrath...and I write this with a grimace on my face...poor kid.

Second, I feel like commenting on the question about what happens to your stomach when a handsome man starts sauntering your way. I am terrible,absolutely awkward in this situation. For example, at a recent contra dance I attended, a very attractive guy made eye contact with me continiously through one dance, and afterwards was purposefully making his way over to me...and I knew it...and I froze, got the gitters, couldn't breath. THEN! I immediately turned my body away and pretended to be looking for someone on the other side of the gym, completely closing myself off from him. Ah! I have kicked myself inwardly for reacting like that, and making it a habit, because he was then intercepted by a bold young lady and I totally missed that opportunity for the rest of the night! Yes, I know that stomach feeling, why it is? I would really like to know, or well, at least have someone me strongly encourage to react differently. Naturally I flee from it haha! One day though, i know I will no doubt run to it.

For tonight, that is all.
Feel Beautiful, but more importantly "The Happiest People in the World are those who do the most for Others" - Booker T. Washington.

Enchantment

Rain rain rain, lots of rain. Its so wonderful for short seasons, you know, a day or two at a time. Its neat how God plans out the weather, the days of eternal sunshine and summer breezes. Then the days of fall wind and changing leaves; the days of frigid air and snow falling sideways. Of course then, there are days like today: rainy, foggy, damp. I throughly enjoyed! Cuddled up in my bed listening to the rain fall, snuggling in my sweat shirt, and finally heating up with delicious Thai food Stu cooked tonight.

I thought alot about it today, while trying to talk to God, praise and adore him continually. I thought about a lot of things today. For instance, driving back to CC from Boone, a chipmunk dashed in between my car and the truck in front of me while we where barreling down a hill at 50mph. Yup, I thought woah! nice job chippy! Good timing you didnt even get squished, you were running SO fast! Dude I wonder if I googled it I could find out how fast chipmunks can run! OMG, what the heck, I just spent a full minute pondering the maximum speed of a ground squirelle. Do I need help? Well, yes.

It was an enjoyable day, I thought about how, from now on, I'll be asking God about all the finicial desicions I have to make. What to purchase, which roadtrips to take, how much money to save. I wondered - Is it silly to converse with God in WalMart when a beautiful, shiny bottle of new mascara is just screaming at me to buy? Or do I buy a cup of coffee..or wait? What about a bagel? Nope! I concluded God wants to help me be a better me, and I get way stressed about money so why not ask Him to assist me?

Good, that habit is now formed. Plus I was reading in The Soul of Prayer page 15:

Mind Blowing Quote #2 -  "We do not simply spread our thought out before God, but we offer it to Him, turn it on Him, bring it to bear on Him, press it on Him.This is our great and first sacrifice, and it becomes pressure on God. We can offer God nothing so great and effective as our obediant acceptance of the mind and purpose and work of Chirst. It is not easy. It is harder than any idealism. But then it is very mighty. And it is a power that grows by excersieze At first it groan, at last it glides."

I read that this morning and it influenced me all day. I was driving behind a schoolbus coming through Bethel in the rain. I had Corinne Bailey Ray jammin in the CD player and I was belting out the tunes. I soon realized the kids on the bus where getting off and turning around to stare at me as I drove by... I quickly settled down, my craziness is becoming public. Then the thought occured to me, I'm pretty sure it is already a known fact that I'm weird, many friends say it to my face infact at ETSU. My sister and I frighted the Stephens children together this morning, Hey she's going to be a first grade teacher, and I'm going to be...something! And in those professions it's curcial to be silly, let the child inside loose. We agreed, you're a much happier, more enjoyable human if you except your weirdness and let it flow. haha. Well, Corinne and I sang this song called Enchantment,  and it was just so appropriate.

Today I was enchanted by the rain, by the fog, by God.

EAT PRAY LOVE

Just finished watching Eat Pray Love with Sarah, Eliza and Rebecca. 

Today we embarked on a roadtrip to naaaaashville TN. yee haw! Rebecca moved so this trip was pretty much mandatory before this semester started. Eliza and I picked Sarah up, after kissing visiting, nephew, baby Judson good bye until Sunday night, grabbed some chickfila for lunch with Jori in Knoxville, and sweated our brains out on arrival to the grand old music city. 

Thanks God for the therapy of laughter. I swear we ate, laughed, ate, laughed, and ate! and its not over :)

We visited Belmont as a potential for Sarah's future music home, and Rebecca took us to a contra dance... while there we were hit on by people NOT of the opposite gender - AH! -  and a picture of all 4 of us was snapped for a man's single co-workers who had decided to not make an appearance tonight. We were all sort of caught off guard!! oh dear. ha But the best part was being with the best friends that God brought to me in the awkward stages of high school. And who for some reason decided to stick around. Let me just say thanks to Rebecca for helping me incorporate giggling into every day life; thanks to Sarah for helping me sharpen my wit and sarcasm; and Eliza for lovingly laughing at me because life is rather comical, especially if you watch me. YUP. Ok I feel better, all the sappiness from that feel good movie just oozed out here. I can sleep now.

 Eat: eat without guilt

 Pray: well, pray without ceasing

 Love: love unconditionally

My Word: Delight

Tussle

Tussle: an intense argument, controversy, or struggle.


Sheesh.
Recently I verbalized to Dad that I have a new addition to my list of life goals. The addition: to become a prayer warrior. Oh how poetic, romantic, how spiritually heroic I felt every time I thought about it. But now I just feel crappy, self centered and narcissistic. My resolve turned out to be less than perfect of course, and my determination suffered from discouragement as my flesh began to tussle with my spiritual heart. 


My motive started out pure. Mrs. Elaine Endres is a mighty prayer warrior in my community. I aspire to become just like her. She visited Cherokee Cove this summer and said that day she came for the soul purpose of seeing me. She felt like God wanted her there to see me and be to me like a Grandmother. Turns out, the night before Eliza had come through a scary spiritual attack from the devil and called me, 5:30am Colorado time to tell me about it. Of course she was fine, rattled, but strengthened by the power of the Word and the Holy Spirit. However when she told me the account, I burst into tears and wanted to be right beside her to protect her. Impossible, she was 2000miles away. So, Samantha sent me to Mrs. Elaine and I knelt at her feet and wept while she held my face between her weathered little hands and prayed. It was powerful. The rest of the morning as I worked around the conference center, I watched as people would come to her and she would ask one simple question: How can I pray for you? Then they would merely say a sentence or two and she would sit them down, take their hands in hers and pray. She wouldn't always close her eyes, and I was comforted by that. Because, I swear, she's an angel, she has the eyes of God, or something! Because you feel the Lord talk to you, and you see it in her piercing blue eyes. Piercing, icy blue eyes that relay love, peace and purity. From that day on, I decided I wanted to become a woman like her. She has such a connection to God, and it is through her prayer life! She shakes the gates of heaven, if you believe in the pearly gates, every time she prays. So she inspired me.


Then, a few days ago had an epiphany... shes in her 70s, 80s... I am 19. I am light years away from her state of communion with God. Who am I kidding. This goal...this goal is on a whole different level than the goal to Kayak around Chicago, or go to England for my 20th birthday, or hike the whole AT. Heavens to Betsy, this goal is going to be an on going life long tussle. And I feel enormously unprepared. 


But God is no unprepared. I think thats why He drew me to my Dad's bookshelf, and specifically to the book "The Soul of Prayer" by P.T. Forsyth. He wants me to reach my goals, but starting today, I'm not gonna try to do it alone.


Mind Blowing quote #1:
"'Great blessings which are won with prayer are worn with thankfulness' Praise is the converted consecration of the egoism that may have moved our prayer." - pg 14


First step, learn to praise God in my prayers - every time.... oh  my