Or I'll Paint

At the mall today there was a pet adoption going on. Right when you walked toward the entrance there was no escaping the cuteness, the pitiful, abandoned creatures staring right into your soul! ha, I avoided it though.

 Physically yes, mentally no.

 I resisted even peering through the window as I entered Panera, but that didn't stop me from thinking about it! I knew if I went over there I would fall in love with a big fluffy, fat cat. Just like my childhood pet. 

Kleeo was her name. She was huge, lazy and caring. You laugh! But let me tell you, many a nights she would sleep right beside my pillow and lick away the tears I shed over my mother's terminal cancer. Yes, it's ridiculous to imagine.. and plumb, de-clawed, hair ball tenderly comforting me,haha but I tell you the truth! Her daily routine would be, food, my parents bed, litter box, food, my sister's bed, litter box, food, maybe a turn around the kitchen, and back to my bed to end a perfect day!

She was SO cute. 

Ironically she died of cancer one month after my mom...I wrote her a ulogy but my Dad had to read it because my aunt and I were bawling. RIP kleeo!:)

 Now don't go feeling all sorry for me...as tragic as that was! ha I know one day I will have another cat just like her. I'm sure of it. This is a big thing to confess though! Earlier today I discovered something about myself: I would never ever admit to being a cat lover. I don't want to end up like a balding spinster wearing sweatshirts that say "Books, Cats, Life is good." Somehow, my strange progression of thoughts spiraled down to that image as the way I would spend my 40s...50s...60s....and beyond!

 Now, repeating this to you has clearly shown me that I would and well, will never end up like that. But somehow I feel as if I will be jinxed if I even utter the words "I love cats!" I will be doomed to a crazy cat lady life style, adopting dozens of kitties, wearing old raggedy hats and spending my money on cat litter and air fresheners. It was frightening to even let myself look at the the kitty cages sure that in doing so it would diminish my changes of meeting the One man for me by 500%!

Of course...that is silly.

 But! Still yet, I know I will never adopt another fat, fluffy cat until I have been married for well over 10 years (just in case). 

Gosh...This confession makes me laugh at myself!

"Take my hand, I can teach you how to dance..." I'm listening to a new band my friend recommened and they are very romantic. This is an opening line for one of their optimistic songs. It's taking me back to New Years when all I wanted to do was sit at peace and admire everyone else as they danced.

Lizzy is an amazing dancer!

 I know from experience that I can hold my own on the dance floor...at a begininger level. Trust me! All my friends through highschool are excellent, beautiful dancers...beside them all I do is laugh at myself and apologize profusely to my partner.

Take no pity! It's a fact... but New years everyone and their father thought they should ask me. And since I was 12, and my mother put me in Cotillion classes to learn manners, I have never been able to refuse a partner! Alas! The one good memory out of those 2 years of humiliation and extreme awkwardness was the dance cards we wore at the formals. Whew that took the pressure off! You'd just place yourself in the vacinity of the cute little boys and, since they considered it a competition to fill up their cards the quickest, I would usually grantee at least three enjoyable dances. But really, I'd much rather watch...like Dancing With the Stars! Good show!

I'm feeling Artsy!

Well, I keep praying and pondering and moving forward with my decision making for the year. I do pray the Lord will provide lots of fellowship soon.  I need to be alone at times, but I usually prefer some constant companions. Tonight though it's God and I again! It's wonderful! I feel like every time I'm alone in the evening God and I are on a date. I'll read, watch "Say Yes to the Dress" or "Best places to pig out" haha or some dude movie and He's there. Or I'll paint.

 Sometimes I go with another song lyric thinking to myself: Author of the moment...can You tell me... what's next? What is it gonna be like? Is this the right path? I feel a little in the dark about all this.. No direct answer? Ok! I trust you.

Liquid Comfort

Yum

Tonight I decided to make a cup of hot cocoa. Nothing is better to cheer you up than hot cocoa and a heart shaped mug! That's a fail proof remedy! :)

Lou Lou

PS: meet Loella. Lou Lou for short. Eliza painted her and gave her to me for Christmas! She gets fatter every week! She is inspiring me to save for my college fund...well really for my dreams in general. She's very amiable! 

JULIAN SMITH - Racist Coffee

PS: Eliza just left for school again. Another semester apart. In her honor here's a video that Rebecca showed us, but we quote all the time ha!

Bebo, Snow, and Mini Muffins

"Here goes nothing, Here goes everything, Gotta reach for something or you'll fall for anything, Take a breath, Take a step, What comes next God only knows, But here goes.."

Oh Bebo, you continue to speak to me. God has inspired such beautiful music through you, and I am such a grateful recipient! My first experience with you Mr. Norman was at 10 years old:

 My mom decided to spend our spring break on a road trip up north visiting all the prestigious schools my brother might possibly need to apply to. That was back in the day of cassette tapes baby! Ha! It was cool to have a cassette tape in your car. That was way before the fancy pants CD player...and now ipods and satellite radio have taken over - but! This story revolves around the old school tape my brother had. A girl at summer camp gave him a tape of Bebo Norman, Ten Thousand Days. I remember begin stretched out on the van seats passing through one state after another, listening to the melodic thumps from the tires and the interstate concrete zooming by underneath us. Over and over again we sang along to "The Hammer Holds," "A page is Turned," and "Selwood Farm." We visited 10 states in 10 days that week! Tanner never did go to MIT or Princeton, or Harvard, but we sure had a blast anyway.

Since then I've over played your "Sunday" love song (that was brilliant when you incorporated God, on our day of rest, and true love... kissing! when you sang "it just feels right kissin on a sunday" AMEN haha!), and "I Will Lift My Eyes", and so many more because you sir, you have character enough to write deep, intricately phrased, meaningful lyrics regardless of a catchy tune and chorus. Thanks! This little letter to you is inspired by my day of being snowed in the house, reading, eating, and thinking. Your music has encouraged a lot of that over the 10 years I've been listening to you.

Snow.
This too, has caused me to stop, quite literally, and enjoy a day of simple living. So far today I woke up at 7, hit the snooze button multiple times, even though I was still planning on driving Eliza back to school. It took awhile but finally wrapping my robe around me, I went to assess the travel situation outdoors. I found Dad, he said it was super slick outside and I proceeded to return to my warm cozy bed. 8:30 I met with God, read some in Psalms and some in Acts. Then I fixed myself four scrambled eggs and a large glass of grape juice. Whew I was stuffed so I returned to the recliner and started reading what Elisabeth Elliot had to say about Discipline. This particular chapter was The Discipline of Possession. Before the chapter was finished I got a nice nap in! But I do love her. Some how, I feel a special connection to her. Maybe like Julie did to Julia Childes in the movie "Julie and Julia." Elisabeth is a woman I consider to be a role model for me.

Speaking of "Julie and Julia" it makes me want to fix myself a big plate of Bruchetta! YUM. There is a scene in the movie where Julie melts a huge slab of butter in a plan, then fries to golden perfection four thick slices of bread and tops them with sauted peppers, tomatoes, basil, and fresh cheese! That, ladies and gentlemen, is a true piece of heaven. I made it one day last fall with Stu, in the kitchen at Cherokee Cove, on a slow Sunday afternoon.
Butter. One day my own house will smell of that warm comforting scent that only occurs when you cook, fry, or bake butter! oh what a smell! Mmmm

This house currently smells like pumpkin and cinnamon, with a hint of honey and...butter! Eliza just finished her second batch of Pumpkin Muffins which will be gone...probably by tomorrow morning :)

I was planning again. I still haven't figured out how much planning I can do with out over stepping the "Letting Go" boundaries, and the "Trust" boundaries too. But I know that despite my plans, God ultimately plans my days. Elisabeth Elliot wrote:

"In the lives of Samuel, David, Jeremiah, Matthew, and Saul of Tarsus, as well as in many others in the Bible, there is evident the strong sense of being known, of being taken over, possessed, called, acted upon.... Discipline is the believer's answer to God's call. It is the recognition, not of the solution to his problems or the supply of his needs, but of mastery. God addresses us. We are responsible - that is, we must make a response." (Discipline. pg 16,17)

I know that really all I need is to be mastered by God. But I do have a plan. A directional plan. I know I want to major in English/creative writing and minor in Art. I'm really done looking at college as a means to supply life long friends and a crazy social life. Really, all I want is a degree so that more opportunities can be made available and God can use my college degree to take me places other wise closed off. I did consider just working like I've been doing the past semester, but that's rather limiting for my stage of life right now. God can take me anywhere of course, so we'll see!

So now, with my pumpkin muffins in hand, and my stretchy pants on, and my fuzzy blanket ready, I am about to watch Sleepless in Seattle. Meg Ryan is by far one of my all time favorite actresses and today seems just a completely appropriate type of day to watch it on VHS! Old school! ha!

XOXOXO

She jumped into my storage bin and wanted a push around the house.

 I love my sister. Even when I'm grumpy and un-amused she still! always knows how to make me laugh!:) The other night she was apparently on a high from her flu meds. I was feeling very feverish and not really wanting any kind of physical touch - well! Eliza, stumbling around, thought other wise saying "Oh you're just grumpy because you just really want a HUG! hug me!" She's so darn cute so I did. ha! She also told me the lap top sounded as loud as the opera... okay! She rambled for quite some time that night. Here are some pics of some fun sister time. I love her silliness...a lot!

Betty decided to get a leg workout and pushed Eliza, in her bin, back to our room

A litte hyper? Yes..I walked out of the room and found sweat pants red heels and pig tails. Shes a stunner!

 It's been snowing for the past few days, and since Eliza and I have just about been healed from the Flu I found Eliza outside the kitchen window building her little mini snow man.

She was working up to putting a head on that huge base :)

Awwwww

I'm Up!

And....I'm down ha!

Snowball!

Clearing the snow off my board...didn't really work haha

I tried to catch some air...But I ended up bruising my butt. Pavement really hurts ha

The puppies! Ally and Bailey

Cute little Puppy Nose

Two Thousand Eleven

"Then Job answered the Lord and said, 'I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. 

Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?

Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

Hear, now, and I will speak;

I will ask You, and You instruct me.

I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

But now my eye sees You;

Therefore I retract,

And I repent in dust and ashes."

-Job 42:1-6

The word(s) of the year for 2011:

JOY

LETTING GO

TRUST

Now usually people can summarize their meaningful word of the year in....one word. However, for me it's a combination of words that represent what God has taught me over the past week. I mean, in her movie, Julia Roberts even had three words for her year of traveling... except she turned to Hinduism instead of God, and she didn't really live a morally upstanding life... But! Eat, Pray, Love. Three nice, pretty words. Mine, well, mine aren't that concise. 

First Joy: my friend during a prayer time this week in Colorado shared with me that she felt like this year would be a year of Joy for me. Joy in the Lord. I'm naturally a pretty cheerful person...but Joy, that's pure. That's an essences that flows from your soul and is found when one fellowships daily with the Lord. 

Second Letting Go: this came to me when, in the Prayer Chapel, I sat alone with God. I was in turmoil and I distinctly remember hearing, Let Go. My dad and my sister also counseled me with those same words. 

Third Trust: this correlates with Letting Go, but I need to say Trust God to myself to reinforce my resignation of my will to Him. I even have a box which I painted and inside I put the majors things I worry about, and in leaving those things to God by placing them inside the box, I have a visual reminder to Trust God.

 I think, because a lot of huge changes have occurred in the last 6 years I copped by planning. To feel secure and really, in control, I constantly planned out the next few steps for my life. There was a curious trend though that became very apparent to me. None of the plans ever came to fruition. This reality didn't really hit me until about three days ago. During a worship and prayer time one night at Spring Canyon I realized my plans were pointless, my stress was unnecessary, and my security is found in God, not my strength. Thus, through many tears I now understand what Job is saying :'Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct me.'

I will ask God, He will instruct me. Corina shared an analogy with me. When I try to tell directions to a friend I don't just say okay start in Blowing Rock, and end up at my house in Boone. I give them step by step, turn left here, drive on this road then turn right etc etc. God doesn't instruct His children all the same way. Some people I've tried to compare myself to have been given all the directions at once from God. For me, I don't even know my destination. Only that I can hold God's hand in the darkness and right at the moment I need to turn, He will tell me. 

In 2010 I thought I had Joy, but I was really so confused about my long term direction that I worried more than anything. I found contentment in the tasks God gave me, but I would also try to look ahead and discern through the darkness what to do next month. I know now that Joy is experienced by not fretting about tomorrow. Listening to God for the task of the day and leaving the planning to Him. Joy is experienced even more once I have learned to let go.