Everybody was Kung Fu Fighter! hoo ha!

Six Years.... feeling: BLAH
no emotion, apathetic? numb

Two day ago I was concerned with the annual Christmas tummy ache. Gross. As a friend said "I am currently pregnant with a food baby."

Christmas day we had lunch with Betty's family (nap) and dinner with my Aunt! At least at her house we played Wii and boxed and played tennis and bowled. Ha that was fun! And we had a White Christmas! It was beautiful.  However, on the way home I discovered a new pet peeve of mine. These pet peeves usually concern the car.
 #1) I hate it when people tell me how to drive. I just do. Even if I make a mistake, leave me alone! (but see my frustration at people is usually checked by...something inside me, I don't know what.. so, I usual clamp up, and say nothing in reply. but if you know me, you know I am especially angry when I don't talk...)
#2) Squeaky wind shield wipers. I will turn the wipers on and off manually just to make sure there is enough water on the wind shield to insure smooth, squeak-less wiping. haha it's stupid.
#3) Malfunctioning wipers. The drive home Christmas night was squeaky and dangerous because smack dab in the middle of my line of sight was a huge melty, snowy blob! I had to hunch over (food baby and all) the whole way home because the annoying wipers weren't wiping! sheesh. Whatever. That concludes pet peeves section number 1.

I am in love with Jack Black. He is just so funny to me and if you haven't seen The Holiday, you should! Also, I got Kung Fu Panda from Eliza this Christmas...I am in heaven! haha, not really, but! I feel asleep watching it last night and judge me if you want because one of my favorite movies ever is a cartoon animation, I still loooooove it. :) The Kung Fu Fighting song music video was disappointing though. I have no desire to watch legit Kung Fu children preforming their forms and sparing like master pros. ha! I think I'll make my own haha.
"There is no charge for Awesomeness....or Attractiveness!" - Po, the Panda (aka Jack Black)

My parents payed for a plane ticket out to Colorado for New years as our Christmas present. I am very excited because we leave tomorrow for a whole week and! I will board for the first time EVER on a real mountain. wooooo

I think my most cherished present though is something Eliza made me. Hah it's the cutest thing in all the land! She bought a paint your own piggy bank kit from Wal-Mart and painted me a college fund piggy bank. Decked out in purple and yellow, green and orange, with adorable blue eyes and yellow eye lashes :) I named her Louella. Lou Lou, for short. She will be helping me reach my dreams and goal in 2011 and beyond. She is here to inspire me to keep working hard. To help remind me that real life is not always really fun and to keep me going. To bad she's an inanimate object, or else she would be my BFF. I'll take her picture soon with my spiffy new camera Auntie gave me.

We went sledding yesterday! That helped to distract me for a while. I always want to talk about it, but I never want to be a debbie downer and be a kill joy. So, it's my fault, but I end up getting impatient and annoyed and sad because I didn't share my feelings about the anniversary of my mom's death and no one seems to have a clue. Well, they dont of course! So after a fun day with Mac and Jackson and Jamie sledding and eating food in Siberia, aka: Boone. We went to see The Tourist. Don't waste your time, or money! I thought it was super slow and it needed either more comedy or more action. I kept waiting for something explosive to happen. Instead we made fun of Angelina Jolie and her awkward bony hips swinging from side to side, or should I say jutting out from side to side, attempting to look sexy. That girl needs some more meat on her bones - can I get an Amen?! So then, at home, Ben and Jerry came to the rescue. As well as sleep. Today is a new day, and I have a lot of things to accomplish in honor of my mother, and a lot of dreams to realize because of her legacy. Here we go.





Quiet Time Excerpt:
"God understands its way. And He knows its place. For He looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. When He imparted weight to the wind and meted out the waters by measure, when He set a limit for the rain and a course for the thunderbolt. Then He saw it and declared it; He established it and also searched it out, and to man He said "Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; And to depart from evil is understanding." - Job 28:22-28

Phasing Out

The NANNY DIARIES installment number two:

This was the last full day of babysitting...

I am so thankful to have a room to myself tonight, all the girls are upstairs and the boys are across the hall.

The most stressful part was the snow element..and the ice. The driveway has given me about 187thousand heart attacks this week...i have developed the skill of pretending to be calm, to ignore the fact that the car is slipping close to the cliff-side of the driveway, and to stifle the gasps, screams, exclamations and really I just worked on my straight, poker face. 

I know I want kids...but not for a long while.

John drove me on the four wheeler to the mailbox today. Eight miles total, and yes I have embraced how red neck that just sounded. He is a good driver, my little 13 yr old chaufer...at one point since the roads are switch backs and sharp curves and the driveway gets very little sun he said "HAHA Woahh! I was completely out of control! haha Awesome!" to which I said " Sweet! haha!" oh wait... "and we're laughing!" I didn't know if I should be laughing.. but! it was fun..i won't lie.

John also pulled me up the driveway from the Conference center as I held onto a rope attached the the four wheeler. EPIC! I do have two bruised, narly knees to show for it...and a ripped pair of board pants. I was glad the roar from the engine smothered the sounds of my involuntary shouts/screams. It def was an adrenaline rush keeping my board from catching icy edges or plowing into deep drifts. Once though I hit a random spot of pavement right as I rounded the turn (to which I rode through excellently! haha) and did my second face plant, this time slamming my knees too and i literally thought I was going to throw up. The frozen left over BBQ Sam and Stu had left me to reheat for the kids had turned out to be more like BBQ soup bc of all the sauce and...well it wasn't really settling well. ANYWAY that was awesome... it was a first for me...I really wanna try wake boarding now

Libby and John were practicing their Proverbs 3 verse they have to memorize. It talks about finding, and seeking wisdom to which supplied a quote of the day: "In my head I had a safari man hacking around in the jungle and he found a big hairy wisdom!" -John

I have a big long list of activities I wish to accomplish this Christmas break! First I must call Jamie, she's finally back from Brazil! Then I have a ice skating outing to arrange, a Nashville road trip to execute, an Elf movie showing to Rachel Barry since she has been deprived her whole life and has never seen this classic! Then I must go caroling! and theres a church Christmas party and la la la this is boring to write about... however Eliza and I will be going to Spring Canyon, Colorado over New years and I can't wait to board out West!

this nanny phase is phasing out... i am sure I will be reflecting on this period of time in the future...for now though i am looking forward to having a few less responsibilities, as immature as that sounds, and throughly enjoying the company of my Boone friends!

Baby, it's Cold outside.

Slowly running out of vegetables.

The first installment of the NANNY DIARIES is in:

This week I am super nanny. (where is TLC?)

I pray to God that I will never be a single mother. (this week, if it were a life time would be a struggle)

I really wish I had more vegetables to support my attempt to regain that girlish figure (from...long ago)

The dog dragged in a dear bone. (Gross)

The sugar cookies actually stayed soft. (and are oh so festive!)

Libby painted my nails red and did dainty little Christmas trees on them. (CUTE! i'm so proud)

The sibling arguments are making me edgy and slightly spacey. It's weird, i AM an air head in general...but I start thinking of how to solve the problem, prevent the discussion from reoccurring and what to say...except then it continues, like  now for instance...they are bickering...i fully understand the statement "You have to chose your battles"

All the snow is beautiful! Except...the next two days for certain will be spent in-doors...no driving or interaction with anyone else... i pray for patience and stamina so they we can all be a big happy family! no negativity and the stir craziness will be minimum!

John, Libby and I went snowboarding again today! That was a highlight. The drifts have to be about 3 feet at the top of the driveway and the layer of ice beneath the snow makes the "slope" nice and fast. The fourwheeler is also an added entertainment because John is perfecting his donut skills ha! Ya know, i would qualify this activity as cross country snowboarding. But..well the lack of poles, that cross country skiers have, puts a damper on things. You get really good and hopping strapped in! (i'm working on my lateral jump thank you very much) haha The four wheeler though is really nice to have around. Tomorrow we have being pulled like wake boarding up the driveway and creating a sick jump.

I made them cinnamon rolls for breakfast, grilled cheese for lunch and chili with salad for dinner. Tomorrow I think we'll have cereal for breakfast, ummmmm grilled cheese for lunch...and hamburgers! for dinner. Then we have more forzen chili soooo that, no doubt, will be served again.

Well its craft time.

Quote of the day "You shouldn't have so many priorities! If you want a 'barbie doll' go buy a barbie doll!" haha it just really made me laugh... Hunter was speaking to John when we were discussing everyones dating options...that is if they were old enough, or aloud to date at this time :) they're sooo cute.

Time to let the dog out...he poops a ton, for being so little he is a legit pooping machine...i'm a little concerned

wait purse, what?

me and my sister, we make a great pair...i just succeeded in leaving my purse in the movie theater only realizing after we walked out that i would need my license....wallet...anti bacterial lotion oh and dont forget mascara! to continue to function w.the rest of the evening. sooo yea. and i think that embarrassed eliza more than me. she got me back though by gracefully and completely tripping the second exit out of the building. we're good.:)

i am learning the art of quilling! thanks to Heidi, i am now painstakingly creating a tree out of little 1cm wide strips of paper coiled and pinched into various shapes. sounds weird...it is! but! its also really cool looking and whenever i have the patience and time I test this new ground in the craft world.

i also carry this tackle box around. when i picked it out in walmart the legit fishermen eyed me. but hey now! tackle boxes are actually quite portable and organized and one is now serving my jewelry making hobby. really i stick to earrings. i talked to a girl yesterday who has her own mini kiln and sculpts jewelry out of silver clay to then heats it up and melts it to create her intricate flowers etc for her beautiful necklaces. I, on the other hand stick to store bought beads and try to combine them with a little style and originality. i am even attempting to sell some in a craft fair the Stephens are apart of next weekend. those hobbies and my goal of making all my Christmas presents this year keeps my creative juices flowing. As well as supports the kind cashiers at hobby lobby and Michaels. this is why tonight I am also on a mission to create a budget! wish me luck. gah

The holidays are a time to be merry and throw parties and to overall be jolly and chubby! haha, it never fails that i usually gain some holiday cheer and winter insulation! but thats not really my point. I am trying to spend this season in reflection of the six years it has been since mom passed away. its a delicate balance between remembering and rejoicing. i really...i really can't say that i remember that much, and it's killing me.

i think i remember learning in psychology last semester that kids, and maybe adults, deal with grief and trauma sometimes by completely blocking it out of their mind, forgetting it. I guess i did that. eliza and heidi where talking about what happened around Christmas 2004 and mom's funeral and i honestly dont remember Heidi even being there for that. what?? why?? its troublesome because now i am ready to remember. a lot of people would probably say that its been six years and it is more than time to move on. no. oh no, this type of thing takes a life time to work through, and it gives you a totally different perspective in life from the rest of the world. all i can say is i've come to terms with being ok with not being ok. its better to just go ahead and be sad when you're feeling sad than try to suppress everything. that's disastrous!

 i wasn't afraid to be a mess at the time of my mother's death. i remember locking myself in the hospital bathroom sitting down and trying to cry. i think i cried a little. but i really just wanted to be away from the waiting room crowded with people. i really just wanted to be going home to a cozy, happy house instead of wondering who we were going to stay with every night. i really wanted to remember her smell and hugs. but all i saw was a emaciated, mute woman who reached out to touch me for the last time unable to speak or sit up or even keep her eyes open.

 hey look - i actually am remembering somewhat!

i think i much prefer sharing this on my blog because it diminishes the awkward real life encounters when i'm face to face with someone. i dont want people to try to say the right thing or to even talk, unless they feel lead. i much prefer a listening ear and ready hug. but sharing is just not even something i would even be able to do. it's too hard. so for now, the melancholy facet of my blog drags on...chapter three will unfold in time:)

thanks for understanding.

Hey There Eliza...

The cold weather has stirred something inside me, my song writing skills are emerging... 
This is inspired by Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah"
(It's helpful to sing the tune in your head while your mind is blown away my these fresh lyrics)

ODE TO ELIZA

Hey There Eliza 

what's it like in Johnson City?

 You're a hundred miles away but babe tonight you're oh so pretty 

do do dooo, 

you've got my face and my birth date, 

I swear it's truue

Hey there Eliza 

you be good and don't ya miss me, 

i'm your twin and i'm your friend, 

i'm always hereee, 

moo moo moo mooo

OOH it's weird when we're apaart,

is that your breath or did you farrrt, 

you've got a sweet sweet hearrt...

Hey There Eliza 

don't forget that I'm your wing man,

you'd always beat me when we'd burp,

work that up do, do do doo

do do doo

OOOH you're funny and you're cuuuute, 

you dance and rap and bake, 

she used to play the fluute,

 make no mistake

Hey There Eliza a ah la la la la la la la la la laaa

THE END"

Leave your jacket behind, reach out and touch the treetops...

Last  week in honor of the October Harvest theme of big plump pumpkins everywhere, in art class John, Libby, Leslie and I painted pumpkins! I really wanted to carve them, but I wasn't in the mood for pumpkin guts. So we painted! woo! left to right: John with the bow tie face, Libby with the polka dots, I did some hand prints, and Leslie painted hers' as a big birthday card for her mom(so sweet!) Art class is going pretty well! Who says you have to have a college degree PAH!

This year, because we don't believe in celebrating Halloween, I took the kids to a costume partay! We had pre assigned character - John: Calvin, Houston: Hobbes, Luke: The pumpkin eater guy, Libby: The Queen of Hearts, and I was Wilma Flintstone. Although I look like a greek version of wilma, I didn't really have access to a white fur dress so a sheet had to do! haha. 

It's funny bc last year I chose myself to be Peebles. Last year I was way more into the orange hair deal the Flintstone ladies style. So i sprayed my hair with BRIGHT orange spray - that stuff is gross! it smells terrible! Gosh I found out that I get super grumpy when my hair stinks. I just can't handle it! plus that stuff stained the shower for a while. nasty!

In honor of Libby's most beloved gerbil Dottie i am posting a video of dottie one day getting her exercise. I often was not partial to the little rat pet of hers, but! she was soft...and she had a cute little squeak when Hunter would pick her up repeatedly.. she died last week... RIP little varmint :)

PS: John has the most......adorable! footy pajamas. you should see him ecstatically bounding around the house practicing his super ninja skills.

Chubby Bunny

This is Angelo: 

He's my main man. He's the cutest when he's frolicking through the leaves, ears perked up, stumpy tail wiggling, bouncing from pile to pile! I'm pretty sure we're kindred spirits.

This fall has been SO different from what I expected it to be.. and I'm glad! Some highlights:

I sort of have a  knack for cooking mishaps... this is a picture of when I have making icing for a bajillion cupcakes for the sweet 16 party. The powdered sugar went everywhere...

But the cupcakes were super cute!

I have to say, whenever I cook with other people i usually end up telling stories about when I like baked a spoon in some pumpkin bread...or made sugar cookies that tasted like plado... Last weekend I was making a cake for a group at CC with Josh and I was chattering away about some thing ridiculous that happened to me during my baking escapades. It was really fun too because he was brave and through in chili powder and cumin to my batter! then! we made Dr. Pepper icing! This cake was gonna be a beauty! ummm well, we got sorta bored and decided, because John was pressuring us, to add more Dr. Pepper to the PERFECT icing we concocted. baaaad idea... we used the rest of the soda which made it too runny and no amount of powered sugar was coagulating the mixture of butter, sugar and soda. It looked gross haha. well! it can't hurt to put it on the stove! so Josh poured it into a sauce pan and started stirring away...that wasn't really working either. we were getting smores stuff together in the mean time so! we decided to melt some marshmellows in the pan too!! hahaha that did weird things. It turned out that Josh has mixed a bunch of like cocoa powder, chocolate chips, milk..and i don't know what else together earlier. so once the cake cooled we drizzled that on top and scooped a generous amount of vanilla icecream onto the plates. Well! it tasted good! everyone was praising it whew! Then Josh handed me a peice... my first bite was delectable! except...something was crunchy. reeeeally crunchy. okaay. um I though maybe it was freezer burned icecream or something. what ever! chomp chomp, crunch crunch cruch. My next two bites were moist and chocolatey. then the fourth bite was crunchy again! what?! so i proceeded to spit out whatever it was that wasn't supposed to be there...it was egg shell! AHHH for real? i am destined to do SOMETHING to anything i cook. how i was the one to end up with the crunchy nasty peice i dont know! but thank the Lord! haha

GIANT marshmellows! 

Also, we went camping the other night. John, Libby, Chris and I. we all hung our eno's from the rafters. And of course we roasted marsh-mellows! this roasting session was superb haha because! we had GINORMOUS marsh-mellows!!!! it's practically impossible to play chubby bunny! and trust me we all tried:) numerous times...

Libby and I also figured out that sneaking into the pantry(at 9am) and playing Chubby Bunny is the best way to go from depressed and gloomy to doubled over in laughter. it's great therapy. She won, she fit 5 marshmellows in her cute little mouth!

I also have to say that lately john has been a mini counselor to me. Every time we're in Panera Bread, it seems like, we end up discussing my (nonexistent) love life! who knew a 13 yr old boy could be so insightful and encouraging and well...wise, on such matters as dating, the heart, and true love?!! haha he really has said profound things to me, despite me being 6 years his senior. LOVE IT.

Well..I plan to pop out some more posts this week. i've been a little dry lately. ta ta for now!