I don't know.

I. d. k.

Does anyone like to hear that phrase?

Where are we going to dinner? - I don't know.
Where is the cash I gave you? - I don't know.
Where are we?? - I don't know.
Do you love me? - I don't know.
Are you going to do something about it? - I don't know.
What do you think? - I don't know.
Why don't you know? - Dunno.
Where did that baby skunk come from? - I don't know.
Why is the tail light broken? - I don't know...well actually..
What's your plan? - I don't know.

aaaahhhhhh
It'll drive you CRAZY!

Except for the last question. That question "What's your plan?" as in long term plan, I think it is an acceptable answer to reply with "I  don't know.
"
This answer has been coming up so much in my life I'm convinced God has that as a theme for this season of life. Maybe it's going to be a theme for the rest of my life! I would be okay with that.

I would be okay with not knowing because I believe the Lord shows you your direction one turn at a time. Not like a GPS with a creepy automated voice that doesn't know syllables and usually gets you confused. The GPS shows you the big picture of streets and intersections, but I think God likes showing you the intimate details of your surroundings as you go along. Because this life is so short, seriously why would we not stop to smell the roses? What would possess me to want to be in control of my whole life plan 50 years in advanced? I used to want to be secure in my own ideas, but clearly, oh  so clearly God has proven this a selfish and foolish path. He striped me, this past year, of constant fellowship with people. I learned to be still. I learned to truly find peace in just being with God... for more than 30mins.

Learning to be alone is so hard. I know now though that He just wanted to teach me to stop freaking out. I could get SO stressed and wound up about my future before my "alone season". God said "Hun Bun shush! I know where you're going, who you'll be around, how you will be loved, and I want you to chill out and let me take you!" "oh" This was so weird to me. (it is freeing!) Even Christian Culture still expects you to have a 10 year plan, get your degree immediately and work in a secure environment. I don't think this is a true calling  for very many believers. For some sure! For myself, no.

Well, not falling into that track leads me into the "I don't know" path.
So,watching all the Katherine Heigel chick flicks is fun, and she's a good actress and she's funny, but she usually plays a control freak who falls in love with someone who un-winds her. I've discovered I really don't want to be that wound up ever, and its not cute, not even for her.haha
I also believe that being a control freak is offensive to God because you are blatantly telling Him you are self sufficient and in no need for his omnipotent design for your life. Thats pretty bad... I fell into that though. Now I pray that I will always surrender everyday to the path set before me and to be able to be aware of my surroundings enough to "smell the roses" aka: talk to the little children, play cards with a group of teens, wash dishes with a mom. Its actually very fulfilling.

I really don't know how I'm going to  get my art degree. I don't know where I'll go to school and what job I'll end up with in a year. I'm uncertain of my plans this fall, but those are falling into place by the grace of God and I am very sure I will led to the next destination by clear open and shut doors.

I don't want to hinder myself from hearing God by making long term plans of my own. I have goals and things I want to do with my life. The order of those adventures are in God's hands. I talked to a family yesterday who are in a "scary" situation by the world's eyes. There answer to "What job will your husband try to get now?" and "are you going into full time missions?" is "I don't know...yet." But to me its exciting,  and to God I believe it's pleasing and glorifying because they have laid everything down at His feet and are waiting for His direction. Beautiful.

I love Psalm 51:17
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; 
   a broken and contrite heart 
   you, God, will not despise.


He will use a broken heart.
And I pray Psalm 90:17 for those I know who are working in the will of the Lord:


May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us;
   establish the work of our hands for us—
   yes, establish the work of our hands.